Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
