Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
