Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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