Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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