what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
