the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
