My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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