i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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