You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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