Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
