i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
