You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
