oh god the rape fog is back!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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