I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
