I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
