I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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