I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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