one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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