Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
