Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
