Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
