I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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