I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
