chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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