Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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