What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?