woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.