Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
25 ‘Manly’ Things Guys Do That Are Actually Really Annoying
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good