You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
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Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP