just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus