if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.