Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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