It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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