I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
