I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
