I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
