Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
