I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
