Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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