You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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