I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
