I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Princesses don't give blow jobs
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
