I have demons in me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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