I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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