All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
