She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
