I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
