Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
MIDGETS
????
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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