her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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