I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
