my shit smells like andre
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
