Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
