My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
