Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
