All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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