i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
