Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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