it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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