high people should be assigned attendants
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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