i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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