Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
