What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
