it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
