it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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