Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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