i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
