Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
