wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
