He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
