if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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