she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
