Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
