I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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