I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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