you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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