finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
