Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
