If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
