Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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