Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
FUCK WHALES
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
