Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm like, not good at living.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
