So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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