i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize