why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm passing your future prison.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
