I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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