Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
wow bdsm is so cute
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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