Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
