it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sober January is a disaster.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
