your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
