I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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