i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Small penises have feelings too.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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