i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
