so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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