He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
