Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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